This is DNN!!!

First I'd like to apologize for my lack of presence here lately, sadly my ability to post here is constrained by my work load as I do write those silly posts at work when and only when I’m bored out of my mind by the lack of things to do.

Last weeks have been quite busy and I won’t bore you with tales of moving servers between racks ;)

I won’t try to write up a comment for each and every move that occurred between then and now so you’ll have to fill up the blanks with your imagination.

So let’s do it…

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Deities, welcome to WTPHSEOFOE as we continue our analysis of this year’s massacre in Europe.

[Audience erupts into a standing ovation of the likes that no deities ever elicited, chanting officials WTPHSEOFOE slogans like "du sang du boudin, on a pas payé pour rien!"]

As usual, today we will have our well respected panel of experts comment the latest developments;
On my left, the most renowned expert in warfare, Sun-Tzu!

[Audience applauds and cheers]

On my right, this year’s special candidate, Napoleon!

[Audience applauds]

So, Napoleon, do you know there has been quite a controversy about your invitation here?

[Napoleon ignores the commentator]

You know, usually we like to invite…, let’s say, older dead personalities…

So you are saying my body is not rotten enough for your little show?

Well, that’s a crude way of saying it, but indeed, some have that opinion.

Then why did you invite me?

Your showing in the early 19th century WTPHSEOFOE’s were so impressive that we thought it would be a shame not to use your expertise here.

Now that you are talking about that, why am I still forbidden from accessing your records from the period?

[speaker embarrassed]

Well, it’s policy not to open records to contenders…

[Napoleon cuts speakers]

[accusing voice]… because said contenders might learn about how, to avoid having a unified Europe which would be useless to your show, you fixed a bit the game?
You know, like my whole Russian campaign that you constantly meddled with…

[mumbles] We would never do such a thing!
Anyway, let’s get to business, Sun-Tzu what do you think of this year’s candidates?

[Stern voice] Weak fools, no understanding of war. They still have much to learn.

Harsh as usual, but what do you mean?

I’ve seen no covert operations aimed at toppling a regime, no assassinations of foreign leaders… Let me remind you that winning one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the acme of skill. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the acme of skill.
They’ve all failed on that account!

Aren’t you a bit harsh with them? I mean, we’ve seen some extremely good deceptions in that edition?

Indeed, all war is deception.

Anyway, what do you think of Germany’s situation?

Difficult, very difficult. Their only chance of survival is turning some of their aggressors against each others. They must pretend inferiority to encourage arrogance.

It would be wise for them to drive a wedge between France and England.
They can also point out the very obvious English opportunity to strike east.

About England, Napoleon, your opinion?

I see a pale naked British ass waiting for the mighty French armies to ram it.

What do you mean?

I mean there is a great opportunity for the French forces to take the necessary strategic positions to make a successful bid for the annihilation of those damn brits.

More precisely?

What more do you want me to say? It’s trivial, any idiot can see it.

What about Italy?

Unfocused, no clear expansion possibilities. Dangerous on the long term.
They’ll most likely build in Venecia to cover their flank from Austrian aggression.

Do you believe such an attack likely?

Possible, Turkey is a quite formidable foe in the Balkans right now; I think it would be wiser of them to turn Turkey against Russia and try to expand westward.

About Russia, what’s your take Sun-Tzu?

They are in a difficult position, Turkey seems to be eyeing upwards, England has taken Northern Europe and is in a very good position to threaten Russia.
Also they have to dismantle one of their units; they can’t possibly weaken the southern front unless they have unreasonable trust in the Turks not to attack them. The Russian fleet holds a key strategic position in the Baltic Sea, preventing, for now, any English incursion against the Russian homeland, therefore it would be ill advised to dismantle that unit, even though it holds no offensive purpose.
The army in St-Petersburg might be needed against the possible English onslaught from the north. As for the army in Moscow, it is not needed now and one shall dismantle it, unless the Russian commanders believe the Austrians are going to strike north with the Turks.

So in conclusion, who do you think has the upper hand right now, Napoleon?

Evidently France!

Why that?

They are the only nation that are at no threat yet have opportunities to strike easily.

Sun-Tzu?

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

Well, it looks we'll have to finish on that last cryptic note.

[cues DNN jingle]